Good-bye, Jem
by Kirsah
Summary: This is my first go at fan fiction. It was just supposed to be a rather short oneshot, but turned into more. I am sure those that have read my reviews might be surprised of this as I am a sucker for Shenko (with happy ending, please). This takes place after the attempted Cerberus coup. Shakarian/former Shenko. On hiatus!
1. Chapter 1

Jemma Shepard came to a stop when she saw Kaidan Alenko standing in the access area of the Normandy airlock. The last time they had faced each other was over the barrels of their guns. Now, she didn't know what to expect.

"Kaidan, hey. I wondered where you'd been." She tried sounding casual, though she wasn't sure if she was succeeding.

"Shepard." Kaidan's voice sounded...angry? Sad? He hadn't turned to face her yet.

"What's up? You sound angry."

He shook his head slowly and turned to look at her.

"No, not angry. I just..." His voice trailed off and Jemma was surprised at the hurt she saw in his eyes. Not the distrust that had clouded them on Horizon and Mars. It reminded her of the hurt that had flashed in his eyes when she had confirmed she was together with Garrus. She tried to recall the anger and hurt she had felt after Horizon and an Mars, but surprisingly she came up empty. Instead she only felt the fear of losing _him_. An odd sense of foreboding filled her. She waited.

He cleared his throat.

"I just came to say good-bye. No, let me finish, please." He raised his hand slightly as Jemma opened her mouth to speak. His voice was soft as he continued, but laced with pain nonetheless. "I thought about this long and hard and as much as I would love to join the Normandy again I think it's better if I don't. Hackett offered me a position and I think I should accept. After all this time deceiving myself I see clearly at last. No matter what I feel for you, you never really felt the same about me. I know I was an ass on Horizon and obviously my apology was worse than I thought. I'm not as eloquent as you are. Never was, never will be. No, Shepard, please let me explain."

Jemma silently nodded, a cold sensation gripping at her gut. How could he dare say she had never felt the same about him? _How she still felt about him_? She tried to shut that little voice down. The voice that had popped up when she first got involved with Garrus. The voice that had spoken to her again on Palaven. The voice that had tried to make itself heard at Huerta when she had visited Kaidan there the last time before he was released. She loved Garrus.

"I wonder, did you ever try looking at my side of this whole story? Somehow I don't think you really did. "

"Your side of the... Kaidan, you called my a traitor!" A wave of indignation flowed through her.

"Yes, I know that. And I am sorry. Truly, I am more sorry than you can ever imagine. Still, I don't think you tried to understand how I felt. You were _dead_, Shepard. I had nightmares for nearly two years. Either of your death or of your memorial service." His voice hitched and he looked back out of the window at the docked Normandy. Then he drew a deep breath before going on. "I never really was quite good enough for you. I didn't understand that until our talk back at Huerta."

"How can you say that? You are a helluva soldier, a Spectre." She was baffled that he believed she thought he wasn't good enough for her. What the hell?

He let out a short bitter laugh. "Yeah, Spectre,_ right_. We both know that Udina pushed me through because he wanted to influence me. He probably figured either you would shoot me or vice versa."

"Kaidan, the other councilors confirmed you. Don't sell yourself short!"

He was silent, as if this thought hadn't occurred to him before. Then, he nodded.

"Yes, they did. Maybe I was wrong to miss that. But back to what I am actually trying to explain. I don't think I could work efficiently aboard the Normandy. I...I, well, maybe I am a coward. Some people will probably say that. But I am no masochist. I meant what I said when I wrote that I couldn't bear to lose you again. I lost you once to death and I lost you again to another man due to my own stupidity. Before you say anything, I know it's my fault. I want you to be happy. And if you are happy with Garrus, then so be it. I have to accept that, but it doesn't mean I want to see the woman I practically loved from the first moment I saw her, the woman I continued loving after her death, the woman I still love more than my own life...it doesn't mean I want to see her with the man in her life every day. Knowing it is so, thinking about it, dreaming about it is all bad enough. I don't have to _see_ it yet, too." His voice had almost dropped to a whisper. Shepard felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her. _Why hadn't he told her he loved her before?_

"A bit of me died after Alchera, Jem. Anderson had to pull me out of the bottle and give me a good ass-kicking before I at least that much of a grip on myself that I could return to duty. When I finally did I applied for N-school and got accepted. I worked my ass off there. Ya know, I did it for you. I wanted to make you proud. And the exhaustion helped me at least to fall asleep. Afterwards I volunteered for covert, high-risk missions."

"You were trying to die." Jemma was horrified. She had had no idea.

"Maybe. I always made sure my team was safe, but yeah, I didn't much care if I made it out or not. After Horizon, another part of me died. I had to push you away. I had to do what was necessary to fulfill the mission. How was I supposed to know for certain you were not a Cerberus clone? Or that they hadn't implanted you with a...a control device? Sorry, I don't want to hurt you. I am so, so sorry." He hesitated when he saw her pale after mentioning the control device. She remembered her conversation with Miranda concerning that specific topic.

"Anyway, when I was chosen to lead the First Biotics Division it gave me a purpose in life again. I genuinely enjoyed teaching, never would've expected that. I turned it down at first, ya know." He shot her a short glance, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I hope this is what Hackett wants me to continue."

"Kaidan, are you really sure about this? I would love having you aboard. You would be a great asset to the team." She tried to convince him. She knew now she didn't want him to leave. He was still special to her, more than she had realized before. This conversation made that clear to her. This was the Kaidan she knew, the Kaidan she had loved. _Still loved_. There was no anger directed at her in his voice. If at all, it was directed at himself, loathing and self-contempt seeping through. He kept his voice as calm as possible, but the hurt in it was still evident to her. And as reluctant she was to admit it, he did have a point saying she hadn't tried to look at his side of the story. She had been so hurt at first that no rational thought was possible and after that she had let the hurt fuel her anger. Maybe it hadn't helped that everyone on the SR-2 had called him a self-righteous asshole. Liara had been the first one to try to open her eyes when they met on Ilium. She hadn't listened, not really. She could remember Garrus scoffing at Liara for defending Kaidan. _Oh God, Kaidan is right. It is not all his fault._ And the parts that were his fault he admitted to outright.

"I would be a redundancy, you know that. You don't need another biotic, you and Liara have that covered. You have Garrus for the tech and both him and Lieutenant Vega for the guns. No, I would be the fifth wheel." He smiled at her sadly. Kaidan cast his eyes down and went on his voice no more than a whisper. "Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better if I had died on Mars."

"_Don't_ talk like that! You are important, never forget thet. The Alliance needs you, hell, I need you. Don't throw your life away. _Please, Kaidan. Don't throw your life away_." It scared her shitless to realize he was just as broken as she was.

"I'm a marine. I will do what ever is necessary to make sure as many of our people as possible make it through this war. I just won't be fighting alongside you." There was this short, sad smile again. He straightened his shoulders. The tone of his voice changed when he went on. It was his back-to-duty voice, she was aware. "Well, I guess this is it then, Commander. Good hunting and semper fi."

He walked toward the door. Just as it opened he turned around one last time. She could see a tear rolling down his cheek and fought to hold back the impulse of wiping it away.

"I love you, Jem. Good-bye and be careful." He said softly. The door closed behind him after he stepped through it. He didn't hear her answer.

"Good-bye, Kaidan. I love you, too."

* * *

I am not sure if I should leave it like this or if I should write a chapter about Garrus and Shepard talking about this right after Kaidan leaving. Thoughts?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: After some debating I have decided to put up this chapter twice. This version has the Shekarian ending. It was tough for me to write, as I am (as already mentioned) a hardcore Shenko shipper. Tomorrow I will be rewriting the ending of this chapter into a Shenko ending - my heart demands it.**

* * *

"Good-bye, Kaidan. I love you, too.."

She kept her eyes on the doors, wishing they would open and reveal Kaidan standing there, saying he had changed his mind and he would come back. The doors, unfortunately, stayed firmly shut.

"You are an idiot, Jemma Shepard." she muttered to herself. What had she expected? If Kaidan had hooked up with this doctor, would she have wanted to see them together daily? _Of course not, dumbass._ There was that voice again, persistently planting doubts in her mind. She sniffled and wiped away the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Jemma turned around and proceeded onto the Normandy. All she wanted was to get into her cabin and indulge in a good cry. That plan was almost immediately thwarted, though. No sooner had she passed through decontamination when she found herself face to face with Garrus, mandibles clicking. _Oh dear._

She raised her eyebrows ever so slightly.

"Something wrong, Garrus?" her voice sounded flat. She was emotionally spent. The last thing she needed right now was an argument with her Turian boyfriend concerning her human ex-boyfriend. And from the look on Garrus face _that_ was exactly what he had in mind. "I have somethings I have to do yet."

"I think we have to talk." Garrus retorted, annoyance coloring his voice.

"Not now, Garrus." she tried to move past him, but Garrus stepped in her way. Jemma clenched her jaw. "I said _not now_!"

"And _I_ said we have to talk!" Garrus said through gritted teeth. They stood there glaring at each other. The _whoosh_ of the airlock made them break eye contact. Jemma turned around to see James standing there.

"Uh, you two are holding up traffic." James managed, noticing something was terribly off.

Grudgingly, Garrus stepped aside, only to have Shepard storm past him, shooting him a withering glance. He glared at her retreating form. At this moment Garrus felt certain should he ever meet Kaidan again he would kill him, jealousy coursing through his veins.

"Everything alright, Scars? Things seem kinda tense." James asked tentatively.

"It's none off your damn business, Vega."

"Ooo-kaaay, forget I said anything." James lifted his hands and backed off.

Garrus stood there another minute before turning around and heading towards the main battery. Maybe calibrating something would take his mind off what he had heard Shepard say. _"I love you, too."_

* * *

As soon as Shepard reached her cabin she locked the door. She did not want to be disturbed.

"EDI, please see to it that nobody bothers me. I need sometime to myself." God, her voice sounded shaky, even to her.

"Of course, Shepard. Your vitals show signs of distress. Is everything alright?"

"EDI, that also goes for you." Jemma said wearily.

"I am sorry, Shepard. I will not intrude. Logging you out."

She was alone. Letting out a ragged breath she sat down at her desk. _He hurt you. Again. He always hurts you. He says he doesn't want to, but he does it again and again._ Shepard repeated this in her mind like a mantra. She tried being angry. Anger would make the hurt she felt more bearable.

"But why? Why does it hurt so much to know he is not coming back? I am _happy_ with Garrus. After all, Garrus has never doubted me. He always has my back. Kaidan, my God, he has called me a traitor, he practically compared me to a husk on Mars and then had the balls to accuse me of _cheating on him _after_ we were _clearly on a_ break._ I don't know if I could trust him anymore. He obviously doesn't trust me." she demanded of her hamster. _He trusted you enough to point his pistol at Udina and take the shot._ "Damn it."

She hesitated shortly and then opened her messages. After some searching she found what she sought and started reading.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said on Horizon..._

Surprisingly, the letter which before had always gotten her worked up and angry didn't bring forth the expected emotion. Instead she found she could finally read between the sentences. Or, to be more precise, she understood there were no hidden meanings except one. Now the whole letter seemed to say _I miss you_ and suddenly she realized that the letter wasn't accusatory. Kaidan just stated the facts. The date with that doctor was set up by his friends. He just tried to move on. The fact that he still remembered the night before Ilos after more than two years also should have given her pause. And yes, a lot had changed. She read on.

_But please be careful...I couldn't bear it if I lost you again.  
_

That was clear enough. How could she not have understood that? He was right about Cerberus, she knew that. She had known it then, too. She had just been so upset that he hadn't even _listened_ to her. All he was telling her was to watch her back. But she couldn't really blame him, could she? How would she have reacted if he had been dead for two years and then showed up working for Cerberus? _You would've ripped him a new one, Jem. And you know it._ She groaned. The only time he didn't say outright what he meant was at the end.

_When things settle down a little...maybe...I don't know._

Why hadn't he just written he would like to work things out again? Was he afraid she wouldn't want to talk to him anymore or what? Now it was too late. She sat back, letting the realization settle in. As much as she regretted it, it was too late, and they were both to blame. She still loved Kaidan, she finally admitted that much to herself, but she also loved Garrus. Feeling more at ease than she had all day she started typing a message.

_Kaidan,_

_you were right. I never tried looking at this mess from your point of view. I was hurt and angry because you sure as hell acted like a complete ass. I should have realized you were also still hurting and had every right to be angry as well. I am sorry. _

_I am sorry that a misunderstanding such as that caused this rift between us and I have no idea if we can ever close it. I hope we can. I still value your friendship. Kai, I know that this is not what you wish for, but it is all I can give you. I know you don't want to hear this, it is important you do though. I never had any intention of falling for Garrus. It just happened. He was always a great friend and I never thought it would turn into more. When it did I was to far gone to turn back again. As much as I still love you - and yes, I really do still love you - I can't turn away from Garrus. He never doubted me and I need someone to back me unconditionally. I love him, Kai, and he loves me. Garrus once told me there is no Shepard without Vakarian and he was right. I am sorry for having to hurt you like this. I just want you to understand. __You still take up a special place in my heart, never doubt that. _

_Kaidan, please, please promise me you won't throw your life away needlessly. Don't do anything you could regret. I am not worth you sacrificing yourself, do you hear me? You have the right to be happy and I know it will take time but eventually you will find someone else who can bring you that happiness. Give yourself the time to heal. Please, Kaidan, do it for me.  
_

_Jemma_

She glanced over her message one more time before clicking on "send".

There was a sharp rap on her door. Shepard knew it was Garrus and now that she had come to terms with her own feelings she could talk to him about Kaidan. She unlocked the door and Garrus came in, albeit almost a little hesitantly, as if he was afraid of what she would have to say. Smiling, she extended her hands towards him.

"Shepard, I wanted to apologize for earlier but it seems like I don't have to do that." Garrus swiftly took her hands in his. "I would still like to know why you told Alenko you love him, though."

"You heard that, huh? I am fairly certain that Kaidan didn't hear it anymore. After all, the door was almost closed by the time I said it. And I said it because it is true. Garrus, wait!" Garrus pulled his hands away from her, but she held on firmly. "I love you both. You, I am together with and that is not going to change anytime soon. That doesn't mean I can't also still love Kaidan. He is an incredible man."

"An incredible jackass, more like." Garrus snorted. "Why were you so upset? If he called you a traitor again or anything similar I am going to put a bullet through his head the next time I see him. Major Self-righteous Asshole."

Jemma frowned.

"Garrus, stop talking about him like that. He used to be your friend, too. He calmly explained his behavior and I have to admit it was his right to doubt me on Horizon. It was even his right to doubt me on Mars. There was no accusation, only plain facts. His arguments were valid. I _could _have very well been controlled by Cerberus. Hell, if Miranda had had it her way while they rebuilt me I would have had a control chip implanted. She told me so herself. So can I blame him for assuming the worst? Not really. This is Cerberus we are talking about after all." She paused. "And I was upset because I suddenly realized I couldn't lay all the blame on Kaidan. I realized that I still felt more for him than I wanted to admit. I was scared when I realized that things might have turned out differently if I had tried to understand where he was coming from. I realized that I miss having him on my team and that I don't like the idea of him working on the Crucible or doing some Spec Ops with his Biotic Division."

Garrus pulled her closer.

"You really just miss him as a friend?"

"Yeah. A special friend, but a friend only. And I worry about him. He seemed really heartbroken. But you know, I'm a one Turian kind of woman now and I just told him so again in a message."

"Is that so?" Garrus smirked. "Maybe we could test my reach and your flexibility then?"

"We could do that." She tilted her head and went on in a sultry voice." So, Vakarian, what are you waiting for?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: As announced yesterday this is my Shenko-version of chapter two. I hope you enjoy it! And thank you AngstyShenko, Brooksterman and Emerald Flashes for your reviews! BTW I added some minor changes to this chapter.  
**

* * *

"Good-bye, Kaidan. I love you, too."

She kept her eyes on the doors, wishing they would open and reveal Kaidan standing there, saying he had changed his mind and he would come back. The doors, unfortunately, stayed firmly shut.

"You are an idiot, Jemma Shepard." she muttered to herself. What had she expected? If Kaidan had hooked up with this doctor, would she have wanted to see them together daily? _Of course not, dumbass._ There was that voice again, persistently planting doubts in her mind. She sniffled and wiped away the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Jemma turned around and proceeded onto the Normandy. All she wanted was to get into her cabin and indulge in a good cry. That plan was almost immediately thwarted, though. No sooner had she passed through decon when she found herself face to face with Garrus, mandibles clicking. _Oh dear._

She raised her eyebrows ever so slightly.

"Something wrong, Garrus?" her voice sounded flat. She was emotionally spent. The last thing she needed right now was an argument with her Turian boyfriend concerning her human ex-boyfriend. And from the look on Garrus face _that_ was exactly what he had in mind. "I have somethings I have to do yet."

"I think we have to talk." Garrus retorted, annoyance coloring his voice.

"Not now, Garrus." she tried to move past him, but Garrus stepped in her way. Jemma clenched her jaw. "I said _not now_!"

"And _I_ said we have to talk!" Garrus said through gritted teeth. They stood there glaring at each other. The _whoosh_ of the airlock made them break eye contact. Jemma turned around to see James standing there.

"Uh, you two are holding up traffic." James managed, noticing something was terribly off.

Grudgingly, Garrus stepped aside, only to have Shepard storm past him, shooting him a withering glance. He glared at her retreating form. At this moment Garrus felt certain should he ever meet Kaidan again he would kill him, jealousy coursing through his veins.

"Everything alright, Scars? Things seem kinda tense." James asked tentatively.

"It's none off your damn business, Vega."

"Ooo-kaaay, forget I said anything." James lifted his hands and backed off.

Garrus stood there another minute before turning around and heading towards the main battery. Maybe calibrating something would take his mind off what he had heard Shepard say. _"I love you, too."_

* * *

As soon as Shepard reached her cabin she locked the door. She did not want to be disturbed.

"EDI, please see to it that nobody bothers me. I need sometime to myself." God, her voice sounded shaky, even to her.

"Of course, Shepard. Your vitals show signs of distress. Is everything alright?"

"EDI, that also goes for you." Jemma said wearily.

"I am sorry, Shepard. I will not intrude. Logging you out."

She was alone. Letting out a ragged breath she sat down at her desk. _He hurt you. Again. He always hurts you. He says he doesn't want to, but he does it again and again._ Shepard repeated this in her mind like a mantra. She tried being angry. Anger would make the hurt she felt more bearable.

"But why? Why does it hurt so much to know he is not coming back? I am _happy_ with Garrus. After all, Garrus has never doubted me. He always has my back. Kaidan, my God, he has called me a traitor, he practically compared me to a husk on Mars and then had the balls to accuse me of _cheating on him _after_ we were _clearly on a_ break._ I don't know if I could trust him anymore. He obviously doesn't trust me." she demanded of her hamster. _He trusted you enough to point his pistol at Udina and take the shot._ "Damn it. I want to trust him again and I want him to trust me."

"I want _him."_ she whispered. It finally dawned on her. She _was_ happy with Garrus - because she had no expectations. She was not truly committed. She loved him but it was nothing compared to her feelings for Kaidan. Garrus never doubted her decisions, that was right, but sometimes you need someone to call you out on your bullshit or at least who makes you pause and try to look at a different perspective. Kaidan did that. Maybe it was time to grow up and admit that even if you love someone that doesn't mean they have to wear kid gloves when talking to you. Granted, Kaidan had delt a few low blows, but she could forgive that. She _could _forgive. No, she already had forgiven.

She hesitated shortly and then opened her messages. After some searching she found what she sought and started reading.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said on Horizon..._

Surprisingly, the letter which before had always gotten her worked up and angry didn't bring forth the expected emotion. Instead she found she could finally read between the sentences. Or, to be more precise, she understood there were no hidden meanings except one. Now the whole letter seemed to say _I miss you_ and suddenly she realized that the letter wasn't accusatory. Kaidan just stated the facts. The date with that doctor was set up by his friends. He just tried to move on. The fact that he still remembered the night before Ilos after more than two years also should have given her pause. And yes, a lot had changed. She read on.

_But please be careful...I couldn't bear it if I lost you again.  
_

That was clear enough. How could she not have understood that? He was right about Cerberus, she knew that. She had known it then, too. She had just been so upset that he hadn't even _listened_ to her. All he was telling her here was to watch her back. But she couldn't really blame him, could she? How would she have reacted if he had been dead for two years and then showed up working for Cerberus? _You would've ripped him a new one, Jem. And you know it._ She groaned. The only time he didn't say outright what he meant was at the end.

_When things settle down a little...maybe...I don't know._

Why hadn't he just written he would like to work things out again? Was he afraid she wouldn't want to talk to him anymore or what? Now it was too late. Or wasn't it? Maybe she could still save things between them. If she was quick enough to pick up the shards and put them back together. Hurriedly she started typing.

_Kaidan,_

_you were right. _ I never tried looking at this mess from your point of view. I was hurt and angry because you sure as hell acted like a complete ass. I should have realized you were also still hurting and had every right to be angry as well. I am sorry. __

_I am sorry that a misunderstanding such as that caused this rift between us and I have no idea if we can ever close it. I hope we can. I miss you, Kaidan. I want nothing more than you to be at my side again. I want to fix this - us. Please, come back to the Normandy. I can't imagine taking on the Reapers without you. Not having you at my side nearly killed me while taking down the Collectors and I don't know if I can do that again. God, I don't want to sound like I'm begging but who am I kidding? So, Kai, I am begging you to please come back. _

_And I don't think you are a redundancy. I can always use someone with Sentinel training. You are the best damn field medic I know, one of the best techs and my favorite biotic. _

_Jem_

She pushed "send" and sat back chewing at the corner of a fingernail. Would that be enough? And, dear God, she had to tell Garrus yet. She wasn't particularly looking forward to that. She closed her eyes and leaned back. Hell, she felt like before that attack on the Collector base. Nervous and almost certain she was facing her end. It was no use, though. She had to do it. The sooner, the better. With a groan she pushed herself up and headed towards the elevator.

"EDI, is Garrus in the main battery?"

"Yes Shepard. Should I tell him you wish to speak to him?"

"No, EDI. Thanks, but he'll notice soon enough."

"Very well, Shepard."

* * *

The elevator ride down to deck three went quicker than she wanted, but now that she had made her decision there was no use in stalling. She had hesitated to rekindle her relationship with Garrus when they met on Palaven. She had just been so angry with Kaidan then. Again. Angry at him for mistrusting her, angry at him for getting injured. Angry at herself for not reacting quicker and letting him get injured. Certain that Kaidan hated her. And now, now she knew how wrong she had been. She briskly walked into the main battery as soon as the door opened.

Garrus turned around and she saw the Turian equivalent of a frown.

"You're here to end it, aren't you?" he asked in a level voice.

"Garrus, yes. I am sorry. I shouldn't even have considered taking up our relationship again on Palaven. I have been lying to you and to myself. My heart still belongs to Kaidan, I should have realized that earlier. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you. I can't apologize enough, Garrus. You offered me your friendship then as well and I would very much like to take up that offer. If it still stands, that is?" She stood in front of him, almost a little bashful, stretching out one hand to him.

He looked down at her hand. Carefully taking it in one of his he said:"You will always have my friendship, Shepard."

Garrus let out a small chuckle. "I can't really say I am surprised. Truthfully I was more surprised when you agreed to continue what we had. I noticed your reluctance at first. Even as friends there is no Shepard without Vakarian, right?"

She smiled.

"Right. And Garrus? Thank you for taking this in a stride."

"It's tougher than it looks, Shepard. But I know what you felt for Alenko and if you still feel that way, well, you can't really change that, can you?" he looked at her.

"No," she whispered, "I can't. God knows how hard I have tried. You know I have tried. But even just imagining a life without any Kaidan in it - it scares me, Garrus. It was bad enough during our time with Cerberus when I was certain he hated me. Now I know he still loves me and all this pushing away - all these harsh words - were just self-preservation."

Garrus nodded, but she couldn't fail to notice a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. Suddenly the look in his eyes turned into pure steel.

"I know you tried. And I guess I always knew that deep down your feelings for him were still there. But I promise you one thing: If he hurts you like that ever again I am going to beat him into oblivion. Or maybe I will just shoot him. Not quite sure."

"I don't think that will be necessary. But first of all, he has to come back." Jemma glanced at her omnitool, frowning. Kaidan should have replied by now. He had always been prompt at answering messages. Was it possible he hadn't received her message? She chewed on her bottom lip.

"You look worried, Shepard."

"Yeah...Garrus, can we talk more later? I have to get a hold of Kaidan before he tells Hackett he's accepted his offer."

"Sure. I understand."

"Thanks, you are the best." she turned and hurried back to the elevator and pushed the button to take her back to her cabin. The elevator doors had hardly closed when she tried calling Kaidan on his omnitool.

"Come on, Alenko!" she growled in frustration. "Answer the damn call already!"

Just then her omnitool flashed, indicating a message had arrived. She quickly read it.

_Are you sure?_

Instead of typing in a reply she tried calling him again. This time he answered.

"Kaidan, please tell me you haven't told Hackett yet you've accepted!" she blurted out before he had a chance to say anything. There was a silence at the other end and she felt a sinking feeling in her gut. She was to late.

"Shepard." his voice was filled with regret. "I am afraid I have. But maybe we can say it was a misunderstanding and I can withdraw again."

There was another short pause. "If you are really certain you want me, that is. Uh, I mean on the Normandy, fighting at your side. Not want as in _want_. Damn it."

"Oh, don't worry, Major. I know what I want. " her voice was teasing as she practically purred and she grinned as she imagined Kaidan blushing. Jemma knew he was. She continued in a more serious tone. "Just get your ass back here and I will let Hackett know of our ... misunderstanding. And Kaidan? I just talked to Garrus. You don't have to worry about seeing us together as a couple. I ended it. Apparently I needed to know you still had feelings for me before I really knew what I wanted. I was certain you hated me." She paused shortly, "Garrus knew even before I said anything. I think he knew all along."

"I...thanks, Shepard. I will be there in 30."

"Looking forward to having you here." She relaxed a little.

* * *

Half an hour later she found herself loitering around the airlock, trying to ignore Joker's snickerring.

"Waiting for someone _special,_ Commander?" the pilot smirked at her. She refrained from swatting him - barely. Instead she rolled her eyes.

"You're a real pal, Joker." she muttered under her breath. Joker laughed.

The last bit of tension finally slipped from her when she heard Kaidan requesting permission to come aboard. As soon as he stepped out of decon she greeted him with a smile as bright as the sun.

"Welcome aboard, Major."

They looked each other in the eye as they shook hands, smiling as their biotics hummed in unison. It was only the first step, yet she felt certain all was going to turn out well. Kaidan was back home on the Normandy and they were complete.


End file.
